Actually you shouldn't read this, serious.
There is so much I want to say. Each and every day. Increasingly. But I'm holding so much back. If I said it all I'd start to think that you'll see me as overprotective and shit. Yes, controlling. But then... There are the days I'd want to stop restraining myself and pour so much love and concern into you. Which I never really did. I want this to be my little secret, I know you would still come across this. (Stalker, again.)
Coincidentally- Today was one such day.
I wanted to write feelings and decipher my soul into this very space. And I knew it'd be all for you. And that you'd find it eventually. (Stalker).
If you were to wake up one fine morning to unlock your phone, only to see that you have received no new messages from me today, because I couldn't call/text you anymore; would you wait impatiently staring at the clock as it tick tocks and repeats, for some type of contact from me, like I do for you?
If I were to exit from your life completely, would you forget my existence or would you search around all the corners of the world, seeing hope in someone's back view just because their hair looks similar to mine?
If one day, I'm no longer here to pick fights with you, play the silent treatment game, or fuss about all the little problems we have; would you maybe, think about turning back the hands of time, only to rescue me from all those sleepless nights?
The mood swings I'm having recently is some crazy ass shit. But maybe I'm just experiencing life itself. We have all loved someone, we were once loved by someone, we have hurt before and we have been hurt by others. Like I always say to people "This is all normal."
Joy, frustration, disappointment, longing and waiting are just emotions given to make you understand what you lose or gain isn't important. You have to live either way.
What's important is you've grown up from your experiences, your life is no longer a bottomless pit. In fact, it is a adventure full of undiscovered treasure. Everything is different now than how it was before. Everything is everchanging, although nothing is everlasting.
I'm actually amazed at the amount of wise words from this messy mind that I jot it here. I'm amazed at how I could jot so much when I couldn't even apply one to myself. Well, I can. I need a little bit of time. Help me, please. I do not want a situation where, under the influence of alcohol, I was yelling and pouring my heart out. That, is the last thing that I want. Once bitten, twice shy. Whatever came out from my heart, honestly, was never really nice. And I don't like it at all.
| Love her like she's leaving, imagine every lasting minute spent with her to be the last. Love her not only when she's at her best. Instead, love her when she needs your loving the most — when she is at her worst and hardest to love.
I told you I wasn't easy to handle );
